Daniella Gerbasi

Abstract:

We love the ones who hurt us. That is the basic, unfortunate truth in toxic and abusive relationships. You may be thinking, how could you love someone who brings you such pain? The answer lies within attachment theory- being emotionally and physically reliant on someone despite the hurt and suffering they put you through. It is through this attachment that you become blind to the blows. Elissa Bassist’s “Why I Didn’t Say No” (2018) exposes the multiple layers of emotional and physical attachment through her own rape story. Specifically speaking, sexual expression emotionally taints abuse, and physical response does the same. Bassist’s essay exposes a new lens of looking at rape narratives. Rather than following the same storyline of “the stranger in the alley”, Bassist exposes sexual violence rooted in toxic and abusive relationships, which is not often portrayed by literary critics. These implications of relationship violence are significant towards adolescent awareness about the multiple layers of sexual violation. Through emotional connections, adolescents find themselves in abusive relationships due to entrancement through first-time experiences and oftentimes, losing their virginity to their perpetrator. An additional layer to this argument is physical attachments, which is often rooted in pleasure. Specifically, our bodies can work against us in instances of rape and violation. For example, the innate physical response that occurs during rape can sometimes be no different from the response during consesual sex. Therefore, victim’s judgements become clouded, as they are unable to distinguish and understand the violence that has occurred.